iShookHandsWithDeath

Fearing nothing was always my biggest fear
Because I know when death knocks at your door it's easier to keep it closed when you have something thats worth for to keep it closed
But in my own eyes my own life is not good enough for that

But the fear of not fearing anything only exists because I allow it
And I allow myself feeling worthless and meaningless
But I dont allow myself raging out of this system which keeps me away from being my best
And the feeling of the omnipresent meaninglessness imposes the stones on my chest

Those days and those nights which I could not differ from each other
When black turns grey, and depression feels like a brother,
A close family member which would never surrender haunting me until im dead
Until these voices in my head are quiet, satisfied by their work of keeping me between live and death

So feeling like a ghost is always better than feeling like im not even existing
'Cause pain keeps my demons entertaint
And as long as they are happy I am not allowed kill myself
But im still not allowed to exists like the rest

And in these times, feeling haunted an worthless is still better than feeling hollow
Because this emptiness consumes me like a parasite
But those voices do not exist, it is myself who pushes me to the edge
And it is myself who tries to put me up again

These days are far from hope, but im happy about that
Because hope for a better live may keeps you alive
But it also keeps you trapped in this vortex of depression
And furthermore it holds you back from living without the fearing the death

I never stopped trying to life because I fear death,
'Cause if you stop living because you fear death, you already died
But I never lived
And I never died

And finally I realised, that hope and fear are connected
No hope without fear, no fearing without hope
But both are gone, both are too far away for reaching me before I fall
In the end im eaten up by nothing